Can't sleep without an empty mind

For my last meditation of the semester I found myself getting out of bed late Monday night after not being able to sleep. I hopped out of bet and sat on a couch and meditated. I think it is really interesting how habits are created. For some reason we find ourselves doing something repeatedly over a long period of time and eventually it's just something we do. Do we not breath out of habit, or do we breath do give oxygen to our body? I don't think of it like that. We even pick up other people's habits. We don't even know why they do it, but then we do it in a mimicking nature. I think that like most people, I am a mimic to other peoples personalities. It's one way that I connect with them, by finding a way to be like them. I mimic out of habit. Now that the semester is coming to and end I'm sure that I'll drop old habits and pick up new ones -- out of habit of course. How do we break habits? What is a bad habit? What is a good habit?

Will meditation become a habit to me?

Friends from China

This week I was happy to see some new friends come back from China SST. One of them was particularly exciting to reunite with because he was the individual that first started encouraging me to meditate. It is interesting to hear about how there are extreme levels of meditation that are practiced by other cultures and religions. It helps to show how incredible meditation really can be, and with the effort put into it, it really can be a powerful practice. I was excited to meditate again, with finals closing in and the cruddy weather at the doorstep it is a bit more challenging to find time to meditate. Although, those are just ways to weasel out of it. As I meditate now I still experience similar forms of enlightenment, while the outdoor locations provide a better environment, the practice of meditation does not lose its effect. I am excited to see many more friends return from SST travels and have them share their experience with me.

First Entry

This is actually my first journal entry, I wrote it on paper and never added it to the blog:

I found it a bit funny that meditation was requested in class considering I had just tried it the day before. Having this been my second time meditating, I continued to listen to my mind ramble. I focus on my breath, which makes me realize that I breath from natural habit, but I can choose not to breath. Also, I can breath in many different ways. I am always thinking of something. I noticed after meditating, physical movement feels different; forced, awkward, irregular.

In class

Meditating in class today was a nice reminder of what meditating does for the mind. I admit I am most definitely slacking in the completive journal now that finals are approaching. Even though the experience was short, it was a nice change of the normal meditation, and it was also nice to be given time to meditate. Having the teachers voice guide the meditation was also interesting, I know most people probably think it was 'lame' but if you give it the effort it is worth it. I liked the concept of taking energy from the earth into by body through the feet. The concept of being 'containers' for air and breath, being connected to the earth; it was a nice topic to put on the mind while meditating.

In the Darkness

It had been a while since I last meditated, too long really, with the semester starting to close, I've simply had other things on my mind. Part of it is because I don't have any good places to really meditate, it's too cold. Eventually I forced myself to finally meditate. I found a quite place in my house after hours, turned off all the lights, and in the darkness I sat and meditated for 15 minutes. Meditating in darkness is a bit different than doing it outside in my usual places. I usually like looking at my surroundings randomly during my sessions. But now it was darkness, it was all quiet. I kept my focus on my breathing and on my posture, I tried more specifically to not think about anything, but to just exist. After the meditation I decided that it was time to lay down and I wanted to see if it was easy to fall asleep after meditating. (I normally have some insomnia problems) -Turns out that sleeping on an open mind doesn't help. Too bad.

Getting Shady

When I went home for Fall break I decided to visit the meadow down by my creek that I spent so much time at my freshman summer of 2007. I spent my entire summer down there clearing out weeds and brush, making room for a fire pit and place to spend time with friends, which I did frequently. It became a place I liked to call "Shady Grove," and it became my "special place." After that summer, with no one to maintain Shady Grove, the weeds grew back and the area became the meadow that it used to be, it was no longer the Shady Grove I knew so well. Every time I come back home for a visit, I always go down there to see it. When I visited it this Fall Break I decided that it would be the perfect place to meditate. I headed over to my favorite reflecting spot, a group of large roots that hung over the creak like a nature-made hammock, it really is quite a beautiful place to be. I sat there for 20 minutes and meditated. As I meditated I realized how much this place meant to me. The natural setting is so soothing, I felt as if I could have sat there for ever. For one, I've always found natural settings to be peaceful. I have also found meditation to be incredibly relaxing. When I put the both of them together I got a great experience, it was wonderful. Too bad that cold weather is going to start limiting my location for meditation.

Clarity

This week I decided to change my location a little bit. I moved to a location that was similar, and provided a nice and quite environment with nature elements, but was a good transition of scenery. It is almost strange to think that the location can matter so much if the majority of the time is spent with my eyes closed. It really shows me how much self-awareness we have, every noise, movement, touch, can be 'felt' even if you can't see it. This time as I meditated I did a good job of clearing my mind from thoughts, compared to previous times I felt that, while I was clearing out my mind, I still ended up focusing on something specifically and deeply. Today it turned out that I was able to focus solely on my breathing (at least for a while), and it really was a good turn out. Why do we have to be thinking of something all the time anyways. Can you compare the idea of sleep to the brain? Our physical bodies need to rest everyday for about 8 hours, how much time do we give our mind for rest, does it rest with our body when we sleep or does it work on making dreams?

Huh, sometimes I think I'm talking crazy...

Anywho, I want to continue to say that meditation has been a very worthwhile experience, I hope to keep doing it, and I encourage anyone else to try it. And not just 'try,' but to actually 'do'.

Uhg, I hate my writing style.

Going back

This week’s meditation starting moving in good steps; before I went to meditate I knew that I had a lot of work I needed to do, both that night and for the rest of the week. I was starting to get frustrated and stressed out, and eventually I said, “I just need to go meditate.” This is interesting because I feel that most other people who are giving meditation a try find it hard to meditate because they don’t have time to do it, they are too busy. But I think that is exactly what meditation can be good for. Clear your thoughts, take your mind off of your tasks that you need to do and just focus, clear your mind out. After meditation I find myself thinking more clearly, I can keep my naturally ADD mind on a single topic instead of having to constantly go through episodes where I think about 10 things at once, which will most likely give you a headache. As I meditated today I reflected on many things, I cleaned out the ‘trash can’ of my mind. As I meditate I continue to remind myself of things that I used to love to do so much. I went back to my summer after freshman year of GC, and I remembered how much I loved to go down to the tree-filled creek by my Illinois farmhouse. Shady Groove is what I called it, and I remember how peaceful it was down there. I remembered how much I love to get on rooftops. I remembered how nice it is to lie down in the grass. I remembered that frustration and stress is something that you create for yourself, and you can just as easily get rid of it. So meditation is continuing to be an enriching experience for me, I look forward to doing it again next week.

Revisiting

This week for my meditation I decided to revisit my last meditation location because I was happy with the results from the previous experience. This session started off very well, I'm beginning to fall into the state of relaxation faster and faster each time. I feel that it is becoming pretty obvious that the more you do it, and the more effort you put into it, the better it will be each time. I thought many thoughts, classes, friends, nature, bicycles, SST. The mind is a like a library of millions of free flying thoughts, thoughts which fly randomly in a pattern. I eventually started concentration on beauty. What is beauty? What do I think of when I think of beauty? What do others think of? There are many different kinds of beauty in the world. A person can be described as beautiful, and a mountain can be described as beautiful. However, those are two different kinds of beauty, they describe different things, they define different realities.
After a while I started to think about relationships, relationships I have with the people I know, and relationships that other people have with others. No relationship is the same, a relationship holds an incredulous number of elements that will never be able to be put into words of description, relationships are beautiful.
I left my meditation slightly early this week. I left this meditation with many questions, questions that I wanted to be answered. In a sense it almost troubled me. I thought about how we overcome troubles as I rode my bike back to my room. Again it was peaceful.

Getting off my feet

It has been about 2 weeks since I first mediated. My last session went very well in comparison to the previous one. I still find it quite ironic that the semester that I start mediating is the same semester that I have a class that basically requires it (The first time I meditated was the day before it was given as an assignment in class). I guess I'm not complaining.

This week I decided to go somewhere on campus that was really special to me, a place where I have previously gone to when I need to think. I call it my 'favorite spot.' Needless to say this helped me out a great deal. Not only was I inspired to relax and enjoy the environment around me, but it also helped me in the sense that I was less conscious of being disturbed by other people. I tried not to think of time, I didn't want to be timing myself, I simply wanted to meditate.

During the time I spent meditating I focused on my posture and my breathing. Thousands of thoughts raced through my head, everything seemed random. I felt at peace. After I was done I felt great, I was calm. I rode my bike home only to find out how much I love riding my bicycle at night, its the most peaceful thing. I was in a great mood, I was relaxed, and my thoughts were so much more organized and focused. I really had a positive experience with my last meditation session, this is something that I wish I had been doing for years.