Can't sleep without an empty mind

For my last meditation of the semester I found myself getting out of bed late Monday night after not being able to sleep. I hopped out of bet and sat on a couch and meditated. I think it is really interesting how habits are created. For some reason we find ourselves doing something repeatedly over a long period of time and eventually it's just something we do. Do we not breath out of habit, or do we breath do give oxygen to our body? I don't think of it like that. We even pick up other people's habits. We don't even know why they do it, but then we do it in a mimicking nature. I think that like most people, I am a mimic to other peoples personalities. It's one way that I connect with them, by finding a way to be like them. I mimic out of habit. Now that the semester is coming to and end I'm sure that I'll drop old habits and pick up new ones -- out of habit of course. How do we break habits? What is a bad habit? What is a good habit?

Will meditation become a habit to me?

Friends from China

This week I was happy to see some new friends come back from China SST. One of them was particularly exciting to reunite with because he was the individual that first started encouraging me to meditate. It is interesting to hear about how there are extreme levels of meditation that are practiced by other cultures and religions. It helps to show how incredible meditation really can be, and with the effort put into it, it really can be a powerful practice. I was excited to meditate again, with finals closing in and the cruddy weather at the doorstep it is a bit more challenging to find time to meditate. Although, those are just ways to weasel out of it. As I meditate now I still experience similar forms of enlightenment, while the outdoor locations provide a better environment, the practice of meditation does not lose its effect. I am excited to see many more friends return from SST travels and have them share their experience with me.

First Entry

This is actually my first journal entry, I wrote it on paper and never added it to the blog:

I found it a bit funny that meditation was requested in class considering I had just tried it the day before. Having this been my second time meditating, I continued to listen to my mind ramble. I focus on my breath, which makes me realize that I breath from natural habit, but I can choose not to breath. Also, I can breath in many different ways. I am always thinking of something. I noticed after meditating, physical movement feels different; forced, awkward, irregular.

In class

Meditating in class today was a nice reminder of what meditating does for the mind. I admit I am most definitely slacking in the completive journal now that finals are approaching. Even though the experience was short, it was a nice change of the normal meditation, and it was also nice to be given time to meditate. Having the teachers voice guide the meditation was also interesting, I know most people probably think it was 'lame' but if you give it the effort it is worth it. I liked the concept of taking energy from the earth into by body through the feet. The concept of being 'containers' for air and breath, being connected to the earth; it was a nice topic to put on the mind while meditating.

In the Darkness

It had been a while since I last meditated, too long really, with the semester starting to close, I've simply had other things on my mind. Part of it is because I don't have any good places to really meditate, it's too cold. Eventually I forced myself to finally meditate. I found a quite place in my house after hours, turned off all the lights, and in the darkness I sat and meditated for 15 minutes. Meditating in darkness is a bit different than doing it outside in my usual places. I usually like looking at my surroundings randomly during my sessions. But now it was darkness, it was all quiet. I kept my focus on my breathing and on my posture, I tried more specifically to not think about anything, but to just exist. After the meditation I decided that it was time to lay down and I wanted to see if it was easy to fall asleep after meditating. (I normally have some insomnia problems) -Turns out that sleeping on an open mind doesn't help. Too bad.

Getting Shady

When I went home for Fall break I decided to visit the meadow down by my creek that I spent so much time at my freshman summer of 2007. I spent my entire summer down there clearing out weeds and brush, making room for a fire pit and place to spend time with friends, which I did frequently. It became a place I liked to call "Shady Grove," and it became my "special place." After that summer, with no one to maintain Shady Grove, the weeds grew back and the area became the meadow that it used to be, it was no longer the Shady Grove I knew so well. Every time I come back home for a visit, I always go down there to see it. When I visited it this Fall Break I decided that it would be the perfect place to meditate. I headed over to my favorite reflecting spot, a group of large roots that hung over the creak like a nature-made hammock, it really is quite a beautiful place to be. I sat there for 20 minutes and meditated. As I meditated I realized how much this place meant to me. The natural setting is so soothing, I felt as if I could have sat there for ever. For one, I've always found natural settings to be peaceful. I have also found meditation to be incredibly relaxing. When I put the both of them together I got a great experience, it was wonderful. Too bad that cold weather is going to start limiting my location for meditation.

Clarity

This week I decided to change my location a little bit. I moved to a location that was similar, and provided a nice and quite environment with nature elements, but was a good transition of scenery. It is almost strange to think that the location can matter so much if the majority of the time is spent with my eyes closed. It really shows me how much self-awareness we have, every noise, movement, touch, can be 'felt' even if you can't see it. This time as I meditated I did a good job of clearing my mind from thoughts, compared to previous times I felt that, while I was clearing out my mind, I still ended up focusing on something specifically and deeply. Today it turned out that I was able to focus solely on my breathing (at least for a while), and it really was a good turn out. Why do we have to be thinking of something all the time anyways. Can you compare the idea of sleep to the brain? Our physical bodies need to rest everyday for about 8 hours, how much time do we give our mind for rest, does it rest with our body when we sleep or does it work on making dreams?

Huh, sometimes I think I'm talking crazy...

Anywho, I want to continue to say that meditation has been a very worthwhile experience, I hope to keep doing it, and I encourage anyone else to try it. And not just 'try,' but to actually 'do'.

Uhg, I hate my writing style.